Relationships
Why Nice Guys Finish Last
by Tim Lien
This one’s for all my single Christian brothers out there:
A few days ago I was talking to a pretty, twenty-something, Reformed, non-promiscuous, thoughtful, and highly intelligent female. And she started out by saying something to me that caught my attention. She said, “Nice Christian guys are always doing something very inappropriate to me.” Naturally, the hook was set. “Go on,” I mumbled.
She went on to describe how her friends (and she) preferred to go out with “bad boys,” instead of the doting, kind, respectful, thoughtful, and caring nice guys. Her desiring the “rebel” didn’t necessarily stem from wanting “excitement” or a “thrill.” She said it was simply that the alternative was almost impossible, because of the “inappropriate actions of many Christian males.” “Let me explain,” she said.
“It all comes down to an understanding of the Gospel,” she continued. “If they do not understand the Gospel, then they certainly don’t believe that I am depraved and capable of all matters of sin. Sure, it looks different from their sin, but it is sin nonetheless. And if they don’t believe that I am really a sinful creature, then this weird idealization of me starts to creep in. Emphasis on ‘creep.’ Sure, they can agree that I have flaws, but they refuse to see them, because they are too busy building an ivory tower for me. But it gets weirder, too; if they believe that I am an idealized person, then they think that they cannot show any of their flaws around this ‘perfect’ girl. So the Gospel gets destroyed for two people. And this is why my friends and I like the bad boy for a temporary alternative. At least he understands his imperfections, and they realize that I have mine, as well. We just want a bad boy who understands the other half of the Gospel, too. For us and for him. Yeah, I guess we want a Christian bad boy.”