Riverwood Presbyterian Church

Education

Kookabunga

by Tim Lien

There is an old schoolyard joke that has undergone various revisions—each with different levels of the grotesque and explicit. It goes something like this:

Two missionaries head into the heart of the Amazon jungle. They stumble into a clearing headlong into the Kookabunga tribe. The chief and his tattooed warriors are evidently hostile and blood-thirsty. Through broken Portuguese/Spanish/English, the chief lets the missionaries know that there will be punishment for violating their sacred ceremony. The missionaries are presented with a choice: Death or Kookabunga. The first missionary steps forward and chooses: “Kookabunga,” he says. The chief nods and commences the punishment. The missionary is branded, tattooed, dipped in boiling water, hung upside down for three days, given hallucinogenic poisons, beaten constantly, force-fed angry ants, blinded, and permanently mutilated. Barely alive, he is released to crawl through the jungle. The chief gives the second missionary the same choice: Death or Kookabunga. Horrified by his partner’s ordeal, the second man quickly selects Death. The chief nods knowingly, raises his spear, and shouts the command: “Death! Death by Kookabunga!”

This pertains to a “letter to the editor” (Tuscaloosa News, April 6, 2007) that I recently read. Here it is, below: Reread the second highlighted section. Considering the author’s wish for prosperity in the U.S., this smacks of postmodern pragmatism. Instead of promoting critical thinking and the pursuit of integrated truth, he has settled for two variables which he thinks are foundational for success. But his selection of Salary and Citizenry result in the same thing he bemoans. Understanding and participating in the political process still requires thought; it does not suffice for someone to ably push a “chad” completely through a voting card, and to pay their bills and taxes. That is mere Socialism eking out an existence. Advancement does not come, primarily, through participation, but rather, through excellent, superior, and creative thinking. It is like accepting a mass of bad decisions over and above a singular good one, because “there were more people involved.” Failure to foster critical thinking in the educational process leaves many with choices that seem oddly alike: Death or Kookabunga.