Pastoral Musings
Feigned Deference
by Tim Lien
Recently, one of our elders took me to his place of business for the grand tour of the facilities and to meet some of his employees. After checking out the premises, he introduced me to a coworker, “Hey, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. So-and-so, Tim; Tim, So-and-so.” I was about to cringe, but nothing happened. They casually said, “Good to meet you,” cracked a joke about my height, and we continued down the hall. Believe it or not, that was the best introduction that I’ve received for a long time.
Usually, the exchange is something like this:
Friend: “Hey, there, Charlene, I’d like you to meet my pastor.”
(Charlene blinks.)
(Slides a TPS report over her cigarettes.)
Charlene: “Oh, my, very pleased to meet you.”
(Charlene begins to think of ways to end
this already-too-long conversation.)
Me: “Hey, good to meetchya, Charlene.”
(Charlene edges to the door.
(Glances at her watch and Blackberry.)
Charlene: “Well, um, yeah, well….see you around.”
(uncharacteristically, Charlene displays the
agility of Jackie Chan—by scaling filing cabinets
and cubicle walls to escape the “Preacher.”)
We live in one of the few regions that maintain an external respect for clergy. Whether fake or not, my position grants me a modicum of respect from the general community. I can’t stand that. This is only one man’s opinion, but I think that respect should be earned, especially, since the office has become so broadly defined by the various flavors of clergy. It has been my experience that people cease to be themselves once they become aware of my occupation. It’s as if I am down by two touchdowns before the game has even begun. It would be much better, if, after normal conversation, someone asked with incredulity, “He’s your pastor?!”
Posted by Tim Lien at August 18, 2006 07:31 AM
Unfortunately, we tend to try to catalog people by what they do and what they look like & claim to ‘know them’. So if you’re a pastor, you must have characteristics & traits of x, y & z. (As opposed to the plumber, etc.)
In light of that, we then often try to make ourselves appealing, relevant, disinterested or whatever.
We too easily forget that it’s whose we ARE that’s more important than what we DO.
Good thoughts from you as always.
Hi Tim, Never really considered you to be “handicapped” like this, perhaps it will make one think twice before innocently “disabling” others we know.
Enjoy your writing!
André
Jeff: Right on…It’s almost as if my response to those misperceptions can be equally disingenuous and affected.
André: Great point…that carries over to others, as well. A friend of ours says that his dad always introduces him to other people as “a football player at Alabama.” And he hates it, because it has become the sum of his person.
I know this is a poor choice of terms for the Church’s website, but I am going to play the devil’s advocate for a minute. I think the sentiment of wanting to earn respect in lieu of being afforded it by your position is honorable. At the same time, I think respect for the Pastorate is healthy, if not downright proper. I certainly believe in a sovereign God, therefore I believe that we are all appointed to do certain things. However, you have been ordained, by God, as the Teaching Elder of the elect. I am sure you have a deep respect for that, and until you do something to change it, so should others. In your example of the cigarette-covering lady, I am guessing that kind of reaction is rooted more in guilt than respect. Additionally, you have been given the personality to genuinely relate to just about anyone, even if they respect you for your position first. I think anyone who gets to know you might ask, “he’s your pastor?” I hope, however, that it isn’t incredulous, but instead with a tone of pleasant surprise.
I like your comments and they give rise to a lot of thought. I would agree that it is more important to look at a person for whose they are, rather than their occupation. However, people will look at the things that we do and the interest we hold in order to evaluate you and determine who we belong to. If we are overly worldly we may be accepted by everyone who is worldly, as if we belonged to the world. If we are genuine in our faith and following we will be set apart as one of those “Christians.” Hopefully that means people see Christ in us and will turn to us in their time of need to help them and to point them in the right direction for their real need. I also believe that if a person feels uncomfortable around a pastor or “believer” it points to their sin and need for a savior.
Barry: Good points…I believe the office in itself is deserving of respect. However, compared to the rest of the community/world, our little PCA circle is laughably tiny. In fact, I respect the office of conservative Lutherans, Anglicans, Episcopalians, and some faithful priests. But just because someone carries the title of “Reverend” does not give me pause to show respect. I have an aunt, yes, an aunt that is a Reverend. Her title means little to me. Most unbelievers do not even have the background or context to understand the “importance” of such a position. As for the “cigarette-covering-lady” and her friends: I have found that their “guilty” maneuvers are most often associated with what they imagine or think religion to be. And often that conception of religion and Christianity is simply moralism. Until the Gospel can be gradually explained, then all titles and offices just reaffirm their notions of Christianity.
Wayne: Thoughtful, words. I agree…almost. The only danger of following the evangelism model of “they-will-become-Christians-after-they-see-my-shining-example,” leads to a body of believers who compete to fake it more than the next guy. I have been in a church, a family, and in a bible college where people ceased to deal with real sin, because they became scared to death to actually confess their weaknesses and shortcomings.
I think your concern is right on, though- most often, the response to legalism is license- and that leads to many Christians looking oddly identical to the world.
It’s hard to beat a good TPS report when you need to hide something. My problem is that I usually forget the TPS reports.
I have a friend that is ordained, as am I, who suggested I wear a clerical collar when I travel. He told me it was like a beacon to people looking to bare their soul and that people felt safe talking to a total stranger. So, I tried it.
At first it was kind of nice; people did talk to me about a few problems or struck up a conversation because they felt they knew something about me. Then I started to hate it. People would get up out of their seats so I would have place to sit. One guy ran in front of me to open the door when I walked through. One guy asked me to bless his kid. I felt like Elvis.
I’m with you, Tim. I don’t like what gets projected on clergy in today’s world. I can appreciate respect for the office, but the office has become damaged in our time. Eugene Peterson says that “pastor” has become a naked noun. That it use to mean something specific, but now it requires an adjective (e.g., good, real, authentic).
What gets conjured up in your mind when you see a priest these days? What connotations are associated with the word “preacher” these days? Who wants to be preached to?
I see now why some pastors want to drive Harley’s and show that they embrace pop culture.
Or, maybe you just have a case of the Monday’s.
You are politely being extended some credit by community at large. Not sure if it is always in the same category as respect however. And herein lies the challenge; how to turn this courtesy into respect and is it respect for the clergyman or for God he is after. On a personal level this must be a huge challenge and sacrifice and definetily not even understood by most.
Wes, I think your post needs to be substituted for my article. Brilliant.
Thanks, Tim, but I think your post is much better.
I did forget to mention my favorite part of wearing the collar. When I left the airport long-term parking deck, the attendant wouldn’t take my money and raised the little gate so I could go through for free. I have considered leaving the collar in the car for such a time as that.